


The First Time III

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-08
Updated: 2004-05-08
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:59:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin's POV, Gapfiller for episode #101 and #102.  FollowsThe First Time II.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin

Did he hear me? Will he take me seriously? Am I ready for this? It isn’t like I can back down now. Shit, what would I say? ‘Oh sorry, I know I’m naked in your bed and it is 3 in the morning, but I don’t actually want you to fuck me.’ I’m sure he would LOVE that. I don’t think he’d force me or anything. He just wouldn’t be too happy.

Oh…fuck…me. He flips me over and catches my pulsing dick in his mouth in one swift motion. He sucks vigorously for just a second before rocking back on his legs and coming to kneel in front of me. He’s grinning ear to ear. I take it he heard my plea and plans to give me what I asked for. And now I’m ready to take it.

“Put your legs up on my shoulders, like this.” He takes each one of my trembling legs and places them on each one of his glistening shoulders. His sly smile and glazed eyes make me want to take a photograph of him, just like this. Capture this moment in time so that I can remember it, perfectly, for the rest of my life. He is so. Fucking. Beautiful.

I’ve imagined my first time with a man every night for years. I realized I was gay when I was a freshman. I guess I was pretty sexually aware. I don’t really know. It must be so different for straight kids. There isn’t an “ah-ha” moment or some grand awakening. Everyone assumes they are straight until they realize otherwise. I always knew I was different, and then when I was 14 I was sleeping over at my friend Bobby Bernazey’s house I got my affirmation.

I used to sleep there most weekends. He lived down the street and was my closest friend. One night we were down in his rec room and he nonchalantly turned to me and said, “Wanna watch some of my mom and dad’s porn?” Shocked and unsure of myself I just nodded. He picked the lock on this old wood chest, weeded through some seedy looking tapes and popped in one without a label. The tape had scenes of rather unattractive older people getting it on in various heterosexual situations. Ten minutes into the tape, with the lights down and a good 4 feet between us on the couch, Bobby felt comfortable enough to slowly ease his hard dick out of his pants and stroke himself in time to the moaning of the overdone blonde on the screen.

I knew that Bobby and I were fundamentally different when I came without even touching myself, just from watching him. I remember little about that tape, but I can still draw Bobby’s dick. After that I didn’t spend the night at his place anymore. His mom found out he’d discovered the porn and my mom didn’t think I should be spending so much time with Bobby. It was no real loss for me since I got what I needed from Bobby Bernazey…enough fantasy to feed my wet dreams for thousands of nights after that.

I soon took up with Daphne, feeling much more comfortable in the company of a girl. All the guys at school freaked me out after the incident with Bobby, and I was scared that if they ever caught me staring the cat would be out of the bag. So Daph quickly became my sole companion–which worked out well considering we were both social pariahs. That and I love her, she’s been a great friend to me. God I cannot wait to tell her all about this at school tomorrow. She is going to freak out!

In any case, in the thousands of times I’ve pictured myself being taken by a man, it was nothing like this. I didn’t see my legs on his shoulders. I didn’t see his deep hazel eyes. I didn’t see his lean, perfect body. I didn’t see his long, gently curved, perfectly pink cock. I didn’t see the tiny lines beside his squinting eyes. I didn’t feel his experienced hands running over my heated skin. As it turns out, this reality is better than any fantasy could be. Bobby Bernazey, you’ve been replaced.

Little shivers shake my body–does he notice? My nerves mixed with anticipation are making me nearly sick, or nearly explode…I’m not sure which. As he shifts to a comfortable position, I suddenly realize I haven’t seen a condom come into play. I interrupt, “In school, we had this lecture about safe sex.” I say it kind of meekly; I don’t know how these things work or if I’m going to look like a fool for bringing this up, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.

“And now it’s time for a demonstration.” My attention is immediately drawn to the condoms (yes, there is a PILE of them) and the lube sitting on the platform surrounding his expensive bed. He takes a condom, rips it open with his teeth, spits the plastic across the room. It’s sexy as hell, no doubt a move perfected by lots of practice. He takes out the latex safety net and hands it to me. I slowly take the little, somewhat-slimy, cream, opaque rubber circle from his hands. I’m suddenly stunned, realizing I’ve never held a condom in my hand with the intention of using it. I look at him with slightly furrowed brows that say ‘what am I supposed to do with this?’

He smiles, “Put it on me.” He wriggles a little closer to me and urges me on, “Go on, slip it on my dick.” I’m more than happy to. I haven’t touched his dick yet, and the sight of it bobbing between my legs is driving me insane. With my legs still resting on his shoulders, I move my shaking hands down and find his dick. We both watch intently as I breathe deeply to steady myself and slip it on. I’m actually reminded of the exercise we did in health class where we practiced this by slipping condoms on bananas, and suddenly I’m eternally grateful for the mock practice that I thought ridiculous at the time.

He reaches over for the lube, KY…just what I always assumed it would be. Is there any other brand of that stuff? He flips the cap up with his thumb and lets some of the cool, clear gel slide out of the little hole and land on my little hole. I pucker, draw in a sharp breath and giggle as it touches me. He smiles. I tell him it’s cold. As he uses his fingers to spread the lube, he assures me that it will heat up. The action makes my stomach tense and my breathing come to a full stop.

“Just go slow, okay?” It’s my only plea, I hope he’s listening.


	2. The First Time III

He adjusts himself again and grips my legs. I brace myself for what I’m sure will be the most life-changing two seconds I’ll ever experience. He pushes in and I lose control of the breath I’m holding. I exhale with a loud, exasperated half-scream, half-grunt. The first ring of muscle spreads to receive him and he goes deeper. I clench the sheets, clinging to them for dear life. I feel like I’m being split in two, but I can’t even manage to move to save myself from the pain.

“It hurts” I say matter-of-factly, though I have no control over the comment. My brain is flying and my senses soaring and I have no clue what I’m saying or what I’m doing or even who I am anymore.

“Does it always hurt?” ‘Cause it’s a wonderful pain, but I’m not so sure I can take it.

“A little bit, but that’s a part of it.” His answer is surprisingly calming.

My chest heaves as I adjust to the size of him. I have a fleeting thought that perhaps my first time should have been with someone a little…smaller. I have to concentrate so hard to hear him as he speaks.

“Now relax…” Is he fucking serious? I can’t breathe, how can I fucking relax? But I nod knowingly, and try to regulate my erratic breathing.

“I want you to always remember this.” Was there really any doubt about that?

And then he slides back in. Slowly. Deliberately. Until his balls hit my ass and I gasp at the unexpected contact. Who knew he could go that deep? Who knew my body would let him in that far? I feel like he’s inside every inch of me. His pulsing cock is beating in every corner of my aching flesh.

“So that no matter who you’re ever with. I’ll always be there.” Oh, you’ll always be there all right. Holy shit…this is…oh God.

His words would resonate with me later, I could tell. They were coming out of his drug-laced mind, but I knew they had meaning. I knew they had significance. I could tell he was speaking from experience. And I wasn’t dumb enough to think I’d ever forget this, or him.

It’s like his dick presses the breath out of my lungs. The deeper he goes, the less air I have. Then he starts to rock back, almost all the way out of me but not quite. My balls, having stuck to his dewy stomach, peel away from him as we separate. The sensation is so new and different I can’t help but gasp. We both watch where our bodies come together. Our eyes transfixed on that spot where I end and he begins. And then I look up at him, mouth still slack from the escaping grunts. His eyes, they’re so amazing, but so unemotional. I can’t explain it. There’s something about him.

He starts to pump, the rhythm is so deep and well paced I could die from the feeling. The tip of his cock hitting me high on the inside each time he thrusts forward. His dick grazing my prostate and making me moan and gasp for much-needed breath through my tightly clenched teeth.

Fuck. Take me. Break me. Make me whole again.

I’ve never needed anything like this. I’ve never wanted anyone like this. The pain starts to fall away completely. Every thrust gets better. Every slide feels so good. His glistening face is lit by the bizarre blue lights that I’m growing to love more and more by the minute. He pushes in and I open wider. Over and over and over again. I can literally feel my muscles molding themselves to his dick. They are stretching and screaming and grabbing and pushing him.

My peripheral vision begins to fade away. I’m watching the room melt around me. Details fade into an impressionistic swirl of watercolors. I think I might be going blind and I don’t care. I can’t see or breathe or smell. I can only imagine this is the body’s way of letting you feel more. Like when a blind person can hear better or a deaf person can see better. My other senses are giving in so that his touch burns like nothing I’ve ever felt. Every movement is poetic and every skin brush sets me on fire.

As we undulate in this sea of blue, my racing pulse begins to throb thickly and I swear I feel my skin tear under his strong grip. Of course, he could tear me in two and I’d smile all the way through the shredding of my own skin. I want him to mark me. I want to see it tomorrow. I want to remember this moment.

My blood boils under my slick skin as his thick tongue works magic on my lips, face, neck, chest, fingers and beyond. Breath catches as he sucks it out and shares it and needs it and uses it and gives it back. What’s mine is his and what's his is mine. I can't see where we separate…there is just skin and tongue and sweat and sting and moan and it's all the same and I don't want to know what is mine and what is his.

 

Brian

He asked for it.

If a fuck is what he wants, a fuck is what he’ll get. I stop a pretty amazing, if I do say so myself, rim job and flip him over after his utterance. I smile up at him devilishly. He’s lucky, I’m in playful mood. Must be the “E”. Not every man gets to have this much fun in my bed, most of them don’t even get to stay this long. But this kid…I don’t know.

I take his dick into my mouth, all the way to the base in one quick move. His eyes practically pop out of his head as he leans up to watch. Good, he could learn a thing or two. I suck a few long, hard strokes and then sit up. I can tell he’s sorry my mouth isn’t choking him down anymore, but he’s too worried about what is going to happen next to protest.

God, do I even remember my first time? I mean my real first time, not the gym coach. Do I remember getting my legs lifted and my hole pierced? Do I remember letting someone inside? Of course I must remember. Some of us just choose to leave memories where they belong…in the past.


	3. The First Time III

I’m about to give this kid a first time he’ll never be able to forget. I hope he knows how fucking lucky he is that he caught my eye on that street corner before I got into my jeep. Saw his little blond head illuminated by that soft streetlight. He might not have been so lucky his first time out. I sure as fuck wasn’t…

I lift his legs up onto my shoulders and start to instruct him. I’ll be his personal sex teacher. He probably isn’t aware that there are men who would pay money for this. I’ll be sure to tell him later.

With his legs up like this, I have a perfect view of his tiny, pink, quivering hole. It’s so new and fresh and fucking sexy as hell. It’s all I can do to go slow with him. An internal battle I’m fighting with each passing second.

He makes a safe sex speech and I want to laugh as I hold up a condom and let him know that I never go bareback. Why would anyone risk that? Always seemed a ridiculously stupid practice to me.

He sheaths my dick and I center myself beneath him. I grip his legs and meet his eyes. I tell him everything in one glance and I am pretty sure he knows how to read me. My feeling is affirmed when I hear his breath catch and feel his body tense. He knows he has to brace himself.

I start to push in. Guide my dick with my right hand while I keep a grip on his leg with my left. I probably should have prepped him better, but I’ve already used my tongue and lots of lube. Still, he’s so fucking tight. God, it feels good.

He half yells as I sink in most of the way and then stop. I let his ass adjust and I let him catch his breath. I pull out almost all of the way and watch his knuckles regain color after they’d gone white from clutching the sheets in a death grip. I see the look of pain on his face and I honestly try to remember it hurting like that. But I just don’t. Don’t remember the details much at all. It was too long ago.

He tells me it hurts and wants to know if it always will. I tell him a little, but that’s a part of it. He’ll grow to love that little pinch. He’ll grow to want it rough and hard and long. And once his ass gets a taste for dick, it won’t want anything else ever again.

The “E” is making my brain cloudy as I re-grip his thighs and ready him for the real deal. Looking at him, I lick my lips and say, “Now relax. I want you to always remember this. So that no matter who you’re ever with, I’ll always be there.” It seems appropriate as it is running through my head, but dramatic coming out of my mouth. Still, he gets the picture. And I know better than to think this kid will ever forget losing his virginity to Brian Kinney.

I start a slow pump in him. Like I said, it’s hard. But, Christ...it’s the kid’s first time and he did ask me to go slow. So, I’ll try. He’s so tight and I’m so horny. This isn’t going to be easy.

His eyes are so wide and he watches every move I make with such intensity. It’s really hot actually. I know he has that super-sense that comes with first-time sex. Everything is so amplified and you’re sure you are going to split in two or explode or catch fire or something. I smile to myself, thinking about how long it’s been since anything was new to me. Lucky kid…

I start to examine his body. He’s the youngest person I’ve been with in a long while. I don’t make fucking underagers a regular practice, but I’m beginning to think it isn’t such a bad idea. His skin is so tight, so resilient, so young. His muscles are youthful, his eyes are innocent, his smile is unknowing. It’s all very…something.

If I held him close enough to this blue light, could I see through his nearly translucent skin to the porcelain sculpture underneath? His body looks inhuman, but in the most beautiful way. Thank God I’m not talking; the drugs are making me fucking mushy.

My eyes roll back in my head as the tip of my cock starts to leak into the condom planted firmly inside him. My thrusts are shallow now. His ass has adjusted to me, but it’s still so tight. He’s happy now. Feeling good, just like I said he would. It always hurts a little, but you grow to love it.

We’re kissing and touching and sucking. His appetite for me is insatiable. I could lose control inside of this kid. Except, I don’t ever lose control.

 

Justin

White noise mixed with blue velvet and sensation overloads my mind and fills my eyes and I could be anywhere in the world and I wouldn't know. A nuclear war could wage, and all I would know was how I feel in this bed, right here, right now. It’s all I ever want to know for the rest of my life.

He starts to come and I’m sure that it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Unlike the three time he’s made me come already tonight, I feel like I’ve earned this. The look on his face, the arch in his back, the nonsensical song pouring from his lips. That’s all for me. I did that. My body made him feel that way.

He bucks and sways and pushes impossibly deeper inside me. I grip my ass around his dick as it shoots warm liquid into the tip of the condom. I bite my lips and study his face. I hope I always remember how beautiful he looks right now. I hope I get to see him make this face again.

As the last wave of his orgasm is pulsing through his body he pushes into me one last time and screams, “FuckILoveYou!” as if it is one painful, long word.

Did my ears burn until I heard what I needed to hear? Did you actually say it? Did I create it? Was it the drugs talking? Clouding your brain, making you sane. Making you want me to stay here forever. If you love me you won't let me go. If you love me you'll ask me to stay.

And I'll say yes.

Yes....yes....yes....yes.


End file.
